"fly butterfly"

Looking forward if possible

Looking forward, that is difficult since Shelby's diagnosis of Leukemia and even more so after her earth~death and flight to become a glorious angel of God. I only take baby steps now, think about this moment I am in or the past. But the future..that's a hard one.
I am contemplating this next year only in terms of Shelby's foundation, where I want it to go and what our focus must be about. There are so many new children diagnosed, families struggling and children who are actively about to leave this world for the next.
I will be thinking and praying..asking for guidance.
thank you for your love and support.
-kim/shelbys mom

Surrounded by Angels

Shelby's song

For eleven months I have held onto this clip. I watch it when I am at my saddest, during most crippling of moments. I watch and I cry and sing with my little girl. I watch Shelby singing last December 2ND in her hospital bed, holding herself upright, swaying and without sight..she sings with all of her might. She takes time to catch her breath..and sings with her heart. Only 16 days later she would be gone from us.

Aimee (sister) and Keaton (brother) recorded the CD she is singing to in the early cold morning the day after Thanksgiving last year. Children's Hospital Music Therapy Dept. recorded it. Keaton played the guitar and they sang this beautiful song for Shelby. It is Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World.

Shelby had heard it only once when she began singing. I had my camera near and captured her "feeling" her way through this song. Tears streamed down my face and the face of the nurse who was in the room. We quietly witnessed Shelby, in all of her pain finding a beautiful moment.

This is my most precious possession. It is my heart here I am sharing..
because it is so raw, so personal and so brave this clip. An angel to be in motion.

I am sorry it is sideways but that is how I held my camera and cannot turn it on this blog.

Shelby's song

giving and receiving..

I am so tired.
I am so filled with the giving (Shelby's story) and receiving (donations).
Generosity from~
MoonBeans Coffee
Best Buy
HEB
Harley Davidson
Chili's
Peppers Uptown
Burger King
..all to help with our fundraiser on November 1st. ~ all of these special people/places have donated to our team, to Shelby, to fighting childhood cancer/Leukemia
they care. they are "doing"
getting involved, saying "yes" I will! I will give..
I will be a better person today on this earth, given this opportunity, a chance to say it.
"YES"

..if just today

I was praying to God right now saying "thank you God for today, for restoring my faith in humanity yet again."
Aimee and I were out the entire day asking for donations from local businesses for our fundraiser "Fun & Games." We had our event flier, our cover letter and the non-profit info neatly arranged for each stop..but more importantly we had our hearts and minds filled with Shelby's light. We were "introduced" to some incredible people today who gave to our event but who also gave with their hearts. A look at Shelby's beautiful face on the flier and we saw a change come over them, a look of compassion and understanding. Her life recognized, appreciated.
My heart is so full right now I could stop canvassing for anything more and feel forever satisfied. I believe we are kind and generous and with each of us there is a chance to be better, do more..

Shelby's light is radiant, bright and healing..our "team" is expanding and bursting forth.
thank you God and thank you angel Shelby

good week..more to follow

It is October. This time of year used to make my heart sway with anticipation for the coming months of fall/winter. I could feel it in the air. This is the month of Shelby's relapse last year and the month she began to see "fuzzy" and then not at all.
Now I find the month of October making my heart ache.

TSRF has been working and working. I am so proud to say we are "jammin`" along in the midst of our sorrow and in the "longing" we fell for Shelby's laughter.
I am finding solace in my new role as president of TSRF. WE get so excited with "ideas" and it feels good. You will LOVE our "Christmas Cricket"..too come soon.

be true in all you strive to do..and always know that Shelby will give you courage. love-kim

Shelby's Laughter

Filling in the gaps..

Hi. We are working really hard here in McAllen on the Light The Night Walk fundraising. Aimee & I spent the day designing the t-shirt for the walk and trying to find a local screen shop to print it..we are going to WIN the t-shirt contest with our beautiful Team Shelby t! You will be able buy one here on the web site and @ Caringbridge site. All proceeds will go to LLS to support research and help find a cure.
It is good to be busy working on Shelby's foundation. It is fulfilling in such a magical way. I have been missing Shelby, thinking about how things would be if she were here with us (physically). I dreamed last night that she came to see me in her green and blue striped dress and with her lovely soft hair falling about her face. I was so happy to see her..so happy to see her little face.
She has a tenderness about her, a softness..a way of being that is so beautiful.
I am trying to see life through her eyes now.
take care~love kim

hi to everyone!

So very cool! I now have a blog linked to Shelby's web site thanks to Chris the fabulous web designer. I hope to find readers/writers here much like I have on Caringbridge..just writing anything you feel like writing. I hope too that as you come here you will be stopping to look through Shelby's web site and getting involved in the fight for a cure and/or helping children who are receiving palliative (comfort) care.
I'd rather not be here period. Because that would mean that Shelby was here and we were playing..but that is not the reality in our life. The reality is Leukemia took her life..

We are planning "good" things in her honor. She is the reason for my new awareness..
my sideways view of the world.
JOIN ME here in tears, laughter and "whatever" thanks kim/shelbys mom