Shelby meet's baby gavin

missing my TSRF blog

I have been unable to use my blog, but happily I have figured out the problem. I'm back!
This year has been really weird having passed the one year mark (December 18th) of Shelby's death on earth and passage to her new life as an angel. It was another complete adjustment and a reality check that life does keep going even when I just want it to stop and standstill, or to move backwards. The "missing" is the one constant now in my life.
Shelby's friend Jayla Cooper relapsed and is on hospice and I have been so sad. I know many of you know about her now too from her "wedding/party" that was picked up by CNN, CBS, etc.. Skyler, my 15 year old daughter and I were there celebrating her life now, her time here and her beautiful and infectious smile.Lisa her mom told me the other day how important it is for the news to get out, to educate.
I want to shout it out "Our children are suffering, our baby girl's and boy's are leaving our aching arms and our kisses- Leukemia. Leukemia" It is a long journey now from here to God, to Shelby's outstretched arms. Day to day I must try and make something of this time, missing her with every thought and every step.
Gavin had his 2ND birthday on March 1st. Just look in awe at the photo's, the spirit- angel-orbs that came to play with him. Shelby is a gift beyond things imagined and understood.
Shelby's birthday is April 14Th, her 4th. I helped her blow her candles on her 2nd birthday and then she was gone 9 months later. I am seeking all that is behind the scenes since then, the mystery in the next life..
and she lets me peek in. Lisa is seeking too, with Jayla beginning to "see" angels and "golden butterflies" she is lifting the veil..slowly too.

"fly butterfly"

Looking forward if possible

Looking forward, that is difficult since Shelby's diagnosis of Leukemia and even more so after her earth~death and flight to become a glorious angel of God. I only take baby steps now, think about this moment I am in or the past. But the future..that's a hard one.
I am contemplating this next year only in terms of Shelby's foundation, where I want it to go and what our focus must be about. There are so many new children diagnosed, families struggling and children who are actively about to leave this world for the next.
I will be thinking and praying..asking for guidance.
thank you for your love and support.
-kim/shelbys mom

Surrounded by Angels

Shelby's song

For eleven months I have held onto this clip. I watch it when I am at my saddest, during most crippling of moments. I watch and I cry and sing with my little girl. I watch Shelby singing last December 2ND in her hospital bed, holding herself upright, swaying and without sight..she sings with all of her might. She takes time to catch her breath..and sings with her heart. Only 16 days later she would be gone from us.

Aimee (sister) and Keaton (brother) recorded the CD she is singing to in the early cold morning the day after Thanksgiving last year. Children's Hospital Music Therapy Dept. recorded it. Keaton played the guitar and they sang this beautiful song for Shelby. It is Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World.

Shelby had heard it only once when she began singing. I had my camera near and captured her "feeling" her way through this song. Tears streamed down my face and the face of the nurse who was in the room. We quietly witnessed Shelby, in all of her pain finding a beautiful moment.

This is my most precious possession. It is my heart here I am sharing..
because it is so raw, so personal and so brave this clip. An angel to be in motion.

I am sorry it is sideways but that is how I held my camera and cannot turn it on this blog.

Shelby's song